New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
