Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
