Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
