you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
