I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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