Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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