I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
