haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
