Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
