Got a toothbrush?
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
