I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
