A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
