You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
