I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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