you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
