I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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