dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
