My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
