Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Michael Bay diarrhea
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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