Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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