shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
