Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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