So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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