You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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