If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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