she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
