Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
