I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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