yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
someone owes me an orgasm
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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