what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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