just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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