I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Vodka?
Forever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
