The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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