somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
