haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
