hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
