I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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