he shaved USA in his pubs
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
