I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need to align my fucking chakras
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
