oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A+ Viking dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
