I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Green mimosas i think yes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
