i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
