She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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