theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
