mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
