Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
