i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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