Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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