so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
