Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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