Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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