I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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