What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
