How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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