grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
