Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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