Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
