then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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