CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
