Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
