We're like a lot better than the average bears
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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