hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am one with the molecules
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
