I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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