I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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