Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
