She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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