If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
