hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize