What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You may now shotgun with the bride
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
