At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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